What gives? It is midnight and I am WIDE AWAKE. Usually I am deep in dream land by now, but for some reason tonight I am surfing the web, emailing friends I haven't talked to in ages as well as people I've never met, and updating my website. I don't mind a bit of insomnia now and then, actually. I find that when I just go with it rather than resist it, it is much more fun and productive than tossing and turning.
I have become more of a web surfer ever since I re-designed my site. Before - when I was only updating a few times a month - I rarely kept up with other websites. I was usually able to keep up with what other artists I knew and admired were up to through word of mouth, regular visits to the bookstore and the National Enquirer (J. Lo can be SO difficult to keep up with sometimes!) With my new site, and almost daily journal entries, I have become a bit of an addict. Inevitably, throughout my day I have to stop whatever I am doing and check up on various artists, writers and other webloggers. I simply have to know what is Alex the Girl up to, what Danny Gregory is illustrating, and what Keri Smith is creating. And on nights like tonight, I can re-discover all the wonderful resources that authors like Susan Brackney have to offer. Let me tell you something - if you are searching for inspiration, resources, and stories of beautiful success, the internet is an endless bounty.
I marvel at how many times I am given such clear messages about the work I need to do the most in my personal life. Being wide awake right now - after midnight and not feeling the least bit sleepy - I know that my best course of action is to not only surrender to my insomnia but also to embrace it. I realize this and take advantage of my inability to sleep and - voila - a light is shown on a different path that I have tried to avoid going down for months. Ever since September, I have been so very, very resistant to the idea of having any kind of permanent life down here in LA after a year of solace in Santa Ynez. This weekend my friend Nancy - who just moved up there - talked about how wonderful it was to receive the local paper, with a headline about a local resident's lifelong dream of owning a horse coming true. This was no page three headline - this was on the FRONT PAGE. Hardly the shocking fare of the LA Times. Santa Ynez is a beautiful valley with horses, vineyards and wide open spaces, and I have been clinging to it for dear life ever since I've had to start living in LA during the week because of my boyfriend's job.
For some reason this weekend I turned a corner, and I feel ready to try a little harder to embrace life in the big city. Just like this moment of middle-of-the-night-un-sleepiness right now, I know what I need to do most is let go and just enjoy it. LA may not have the brilliant sparkly midnight skies of Santa Ynez, but I can go to Santa Ynez at any time, and LA does have kick ass restaurants and oodles of movie theaters. I am learning more about surrender every single day. Maybe one day I'll actually get it, and I won't have to bother with the whole resistance-whiney-complaining-"I don't wanna!" stage. But probably not.