Swirly Girl

FunWorkPlay

[Beginning :: 5" x 7" acrylic, pencil, ink and pastel on wood panel]

I started this year with eyes open wide and my heart full of excitement over one simple fact that doesn't cross most people's minds with such frequency and intensity - we won't be moving this year.  Knowing this, I have been able to approach my work with larger visions, more specific long term goals, and a stronger commitment to breaking some deeply entrenched bad habits.  I know I am not even one month into 2008, but I am already breaking through barriers I had begun to fear might be too tall to conquer.

Over the past few years, during the feast episodes of my feast or famine work life, I had many chunks of time in my studio that felt fun, but this week I was able to let go of that anxious, I'm in a race feeling a little bit more, and the fun meter began to tilt a little farther to the right.  I was in a bit of a mad scramble to finish up pieces for Nahcotta Gallery's upcoming Enormous Tiny Art Show, but I was able to relax into the process and even allow myself a bit of experimentation before finally diving into this most recent series.  I put no pressure on myself to finish a certain number of pieces and I ended up with more than I thought I could accomplish. 

[Curious Light :: 5" x 7" acrylic, pencil, ink and pastel on wood panel]

There have been plenty of times when I have reached dead ends with my work, gotten frustrated and created works that I really did not like, but for whatever reason this week flowed beautifully.  I know many would argue that great art is about struggle and pain and sweat, and perhaps there is an element of truth to that.  But my work has had a significant element of struggle to it for so long now, through so many moves and upheavals and personal distractions, I am happy to invite more ease, enjoyment and yes - fun - into my creative process.

I believe I have barely scratched the surface here, and I am actually looking forward to that moment when I do it a wall...when challenges start to pop up and force me to spend more time contemplating how to solve whatever creative problem is before me.  That time will come soon enough, and for now I am happily creating, eager to share my work, putting it out there and seeing where the wind takes it.  I hope these latest little creatures fly to happy homes, where someone can look at them and feel the joy I experienced bringing them to life.

[To see the entire series, click here.]

Putting on my Game Face

[Warrior :: 5" x 5" acrylic on wood :: Available for sale here]

Working like a fiend today to get everything ready for Nahcotta Gallery's upcoming Enormous Tiny Art Show.  Happy Tuesday!

P.S.  Did you see the interview with the divine Mati McDonough on Sparkletopia yesterday?

"Most people don't recognize opportunity when it comes, because it's usually dressed in overalls and looks a lot like work."  -Thomas Edison

Sequestered

[Golden :: 5" x 5" acrylic on wood panel]

This has been a week where I have been happily buried in my art supplies, a week where I am now feeling ever so slightly hermit-esque and socially awkward after five days of deep mining in my creative psyche.  A slew of new work has poured out of me, and this weekend I will emerge from my sancutary to share it.

This Sunday I will be presenting eight new creations from my Wings Series at "Angels Among Us", a special event at my favorite boutique in Santa Monica, Hey Kookla.  Click here for the details.  I will be at Hey Kookla from 2-5pm along with Mariel Hemingway, promoting her new book Healthy Living from the Inside Out, as well as spiritual guide Anamika and jewelry designer Flor Troconis.  I hope to see you there!

The new work isn't up on my website yet but will be next week.  In the meantime, a sneak preview of works for this month's online sale are shown here.  Eight new 5" x 5" paintings on wood panels for my Girl Series will go up on my website and in my Etsy shop this Monday, January 21st (maybe even a little sooner...)  I am happy to say all the creations for last month's sale sold out!

[Blue Water :: 5" x 5" acrylic on wood]

Have a great weekend!!

Center

I had an entirely different blog entry forming in my head this morning, but then a surprise phone call from someone I adore and I immediately shifted gears.  I have become a bit of an email slacker as of late, and she was concerned that she had not heard from me, so she dialed my number just to check in and make sure I was OK.

I have to say, this was a great way to start my day.  That tiny gesture, nothing more.  There are many reasons why I frustrate people with my inconsistencies, anxieties and complications but honestly, I'm really easy most of the time.  I am like every other human being on this planet - I want to be seen and heard and loved.  Not in a celebrity "I want to be famous" kind of seen, but in a meaningful, authentic way by people I love, admire and am inspired by.  I do not need constant re-assurance and coddling, but it certainly is a lovely feeling to know my friend was thinking of me and wanted to make sure all was well in my world.  Thank you, Sunny.

I visited a cemetary in Milwaukee last week, and have not been able to stop thinking about the image of one particular grave marker peeking through the snow, where a portion of the word LOVED in gold letters was all that could be seen.  It got me thinking about how we value a life.  How there are probably very few, if any, headstones that read:

Successful
Rich
Famous
Well-Known
Perfect.

They are always the same - Loved, sometimes Beloved.

Is this what we, as humans, want more than anything?  Is this the definition of a life well-lived, a life with purpose, with meaning, with that special something that means we left a positive imprint on the world, that our life was of value?

To love...and to be loved...is there any higher purpose?

I believe there are many meaningful endeavors we can pursue in our lives that give us a sense of purpose.  There are many positive things for which we can be happily remembered, but somehow knowing the depth of love another person feels for us has a way of making all the other areas of our life pale in comparison.  I think without responsible, authentic love it is difficult to create a true center to which one can moor oneself.  By this I mean love that has depth and some form of a foundation...some form of commitment or community (dare I say family).  It cannot be immature, fleeting or idolized love, but love where a conscious choice is made to share love and create a relationship.  This is where one's anchor can be found, where a centering can take place.  From this center one can go out into the world always knowing where one's home is, which may or may not be a physically specific place.

To be loved...to travel throughout the world and design a life beneath a halo of beloved-ness, beneath the light created by the act of someone making a choice to love you...this, for me, is the most powerful center.  This is the center I always return to - my community, my family, my circle of soulmates.

Perfect

{Blog entry inspired by a conversation in Madison, Wisconsin, my husband's alma mater, last week.}

How easy it is to look at a child, and see nothing but a wide open expanse of possibility, an image that shows endless opportunities, an almost blinding light of potential and the grandest achievements imaginable.  Dreams with shooting stars, perfect blue skies and crystal clear rivers that sparkle in the sunlight.  A child comes into this world and a purity of possibility exists for just one moment, as the instant that first gasp of air fills the lungs, the journey has begun.  The first stitch is sewn into what will eventually become a colorful quilt of experience, chance, luck, passion, forks in the road and unexpected twists.

It is only when many years have passed - and maybe it is neither possible nor worthwhile to examine the entire story of a person's life until they have taken their final breath - that every piece of the puzzle seems to make perfect sense.  As if there were no other possible outcome, no other journey this person could have taken that would have felt so....right.  A person becomese who they are through all the experiences they have in life, with each and every one of those tiny ingredients playing an integral part in the shaping of that particular life story.  A life with its own unique fusion of sliding doors, roads not taken, ones that got away, and all the miniscule, perhaps imperceptible moments that catapult a person down one specific road with or without much fanfare.

Perhaps if I had ordered fish one night at dinner instead of chicken my life would have been wildly different.  Maybe I would have gotten food poisoning, met a man I fell in love with, moved to Idaho.

When does it all begin to make sense?  When does our story start to take shape in such a way as to feel inevitable, maybe even pre-ordained?

We all want to believe there is a purpose for everything - most especially our own lives (Oh, the many things we so desperately want to believe!)  We want it to somehow make sense, to be able to look at our own past, particularly any unpleasantness and say, "Yes, I understand this.  This is how it had to happen."  A + B = C, and there is no other possibility that can exist.

We want it to be that simple.   

We want to believe we are living and creating our very best story, our very best selves.  Our only possible selves, perfect in its entirety.

Changing Strategy

As the holidays were winding down I had a vision in my mind that I would hit the ground running in my studio as soon as the first rays of sunlight were hitting my easel on January 2nd.  Instead, I found myself struggling to get each day started, and the bulk of my time was spent continuing to get the house back in order and catching up with friends I had not seen since before Christmas.  While this was not a miserable way to spend my days, it wasn't what I thought I would be doing, and I kept walking around thinking something was wrong with me because I couldn't seem to be able to stick to what I had deemed were Very Important Plans.  Before too long I was in a bit of a funk and beginning to believe 2008 was already turning out to be the Year of Failure.

Our hearts and minds are capable of wreaking havoc on our well-being when they decide to poise themselves on opposite ends of our emotional spectrums.  My rational self knew it really wasn't catastrophic that my grand plans weren't materializing on those first few days of the new year, but my emotional self was resisting all the way, having somehow decided that those days were terribly critical to my success for the rest of the year.  I'm not sure how those three days managed to become so huge and important, but they did without my realizing it, and it took a wee bit of effort for me to come back down to earth.

Now that my bout of irrational drama has passed, I am getting back to work and creating a more solid structure for 2008.  For the first time in a long time, I feel like I can create a long-term vision for myself and my work rather than clinging desperately to whatever opportunities happen to come my way between moves and other personal distractions that have made my work life feel like a random collection of puzzle pieces that belong nowhere in particular.  A lot can be accomplished if life is approached in a haphazard, fly by the seat of your pants kind of way, but what I crave for 2008 is less about zipping through the world like a hummingbird and more about a steadier focus on my highest ideals and priorities.  The excitement I feel for the coming year is more akin to a stronger, steadier flame rather than a series of dynamite blasts at unexpected moments.  I've lit the torch, and now it's time for me to move forward.

*****
If you haven't visited my new inspirational blog Sparkletopia, it is up and running full of inspiring morsels.  This week - an interview with the lovely Boho Girl Denise, a review of Takashi Murakami's current exhibit at MOCA, books, links and an inspiring talk by author Isabel Allende.  Enjoy!

Isolation

At this time of year when everyone is taking stock, doing reviews and planning overhauls, rearrangements and improvements of some sort, I have been pondering the notion of happiness, and how impossible it seems to be to hold on to it for any significant length of time.  I suppose if we all reached a state of bliss that we knew could never be improved upon, we would eventually stagnate and wilt in the stillness of our euphoric state, but I wonder if our constant need to reach for something higher, better, more, or different is causing us to miss out on the beauty that already exists in our lives as they are.  No matter what anyone's blessings, fortunes, successes or freedoms, I sometimes feel like the idea of the grass being greener on the other side is a constant presence over - and in some cases barrier to - our ability to live in the present and in a state of acceptance.  The idea that our deepest happiness can only come when A, B or C happens is, perhaps, nothing more than being human, but I still find myself puzzled over this very real trap we humans seem to ensnare ourselves in on an almost daily basis.

[I could easily go in circles here and say maybe I ought to live in a state of acceptance about the fact that true happiness is not possible for humans because we are wired to always find something else to strive for, and maybe this is what makes the world go round, so to speak, but I'll try not to chase my own tail here.]

I could never make the claim that I am not guilty of staring at my neighbor's lawn and believing that if only I had their perfectly manicured landscaping I would feel secure, content, satisfied, loved, safe or maybe even all of the above.  But for some reason I have lately been enamored with the idea of approaching my life from a much more inward place...a place where I have a certain level of psychic/spiritual/soulful isolation, where other people's opinions, examples, definitions, standards, judgements and accomplishments were simply not there, and I instead put all of my trust in the guidance, care and support of God (The universe?  My higher self?  Buddha?  I have a difficult time picking one official name for my spiritual life.)  What do the circumstances of my life begin to look like when public opinion and wanting is taken out of the equation and I instead focus my energies on listening as deeply as possible to the wise voice that is always available to me if I am willing to open myself up to it?

Desires, goals, dreams, visions...these are not bad forces in the world.  They can be inspiring and light-filled and give us a sense of purpose, but at what point do they pull us away from that space in our souls where all is as it should be, where we are supported and cared for and where our most fundamental purpose on earth is to breathe and live and sing and shine in each moment?  How do we hold that sacred space within our hearts while also moving forward with a sense of purpose and meaning?  How can we create a sense of acceptance that makes us feel powerful rather than resigned?

I have not made any new year's resolutions, but I have set goals, started new projects and made a lot of plans.  I feel a sense of loss in certain areas of my life and will admit I sometimes feel disdain and resentment towards people who have something I sometimes feel desperate for.  I get caught in the trap of shining the brightest light on what I don't have just like everyone else.  But in 2007 the moments where I was able to sink into the sometimes muddy reality of what is seemed to magnify and hold my attention for longer than ever before, and rather than make me feel out of control or somehow lacking, these moments made me feel incredibly powerful, strong and purposeful.  Without all the clutter, everything felt lighter and the air around me seemed to glow.  These moments were actually rather fleeting most of the time, but in experiencing them I have come to realize that this is my deeper purpose, that this is the journey I need to follow.  Life can be adorned with many wonderful experiences, accomplishments and yes, material objects, but the deepest joy exists in those rare instances of clarity, when there is no wanting, no yearning, no clinging to any sort of ideal life we believe exists somewhere other than exactly where we are.