Myths

There are fine lines everywhere in life - those "gray areas" and in between places that feel murky and uncertain, where we can sometimes hear the roar of a waterfall in the distance, knowing that if we traverse too far down a certain road we might find ourselves careening off the deep end more easily than we imagined.

With this blog, I strive to create a small window into my life in the hopes that it can be inspiring, uplifting and interesting to anyone who happens to stumble upon it.  Because of this, I have a tendency to downplay my darker moments, or if I do bring them up, at least try to discuss the experiences in a way that is ultimately joyful...focusing on lessons learned, wisdom gleaned, mistakes that turned out to be blessings.  I do not believe I am acting out of integrity in wanting to keep things as positive as possible - this is how I live my life each day - but I am sometimes concerned about presenting too rosy of a picture.  I am not eager to share more dismal stories - there are plenty of those to go around - but this morning I have been pondering the balance between presenting the truth, sharing the ups and the downs, and avoiding sliding down a slippery slope of over-exposure and exploitation of my personal life.  When is the line crossed from sharing an honest account of my life in a way that is positive to an over-airbrushed version of my reality?  Another approach:  when is the line crossed from sharing my struggles to giving the world entirely too much information?

This summer has been a strange and beautiful summer...and a close sibling to what I wrote about in my previous entry has been wanting me to give her more attention.  That part of me that wants to trust my intuition more within my relationships also wants to loosen the reins on being that perfect person I so often feel like I have to be.  That person that everyone thinks has it all together, is always on top of things, always on time, always available to lend a hand, send a card, put a positive spin on things, take responsibility for myself.  I have been this way for as long as I can remember - embodying an overwhelming urgency to be strong, self-sufficient and positive.

I am not interested in shattering the most positive stories I can share, in delving into tales of depression, angst, flaws and wounds; I am also not interested in glossing over the truth...for as long as I've had this blog I have tried to find a healthy balance between both, to be a place people can come to relate to struggles as well as triumphs.  And right now, I don't have any answers as to where that magic place of perfect balance is.  I am feeling more exposed than usual with my book coming out, and what is ironic is that this is inspiring me to pull inward in some areas of my life, whereas right here, right now, I feel like sharing a tiny bit more of what is going on.

What is going on is that I am fascinated by all the ways we, as bloggers,  struggle with how much of this or that we believe we need to share with the world.  I had one person recently tell me she was afraid if her blog was too positive no one would be able to relate to it - I found that statement extraordinary and a little bit sad.  What is worth sharing and what will give readers the most comfort?  Will more people visit a blog that is about pain or joy?  Are more people inspired to take a wild leap in their lives after reading about someone's success story or reading about a life ended too soon?  What if I exposed a few more of the cracks and crevices in my life...would this create a more popular blog at the expense of being a source of positive energy in the world?

Maybe all we do in our own unique ways is create a myth...not myth in the sense that what is being shared or presented is false, but myth in the sense that most of the time we are trying to put the most positive spin on our own stories for our own sake as well as that of anyone within earshot.  Another blogger told me she felt like a phony, presenting all the wonderful things that were happening in her career but downplaying the struggles she also had, and I told her these very best versions of ourselves was what inspired people. The world needs our myths.  In writing this entry, I realize I will always feel compelled to sprinkle an extra dose of glitter on whatever I happen to be writing about because that is exactly what I do on a day to day basis...try to see the light, try to rationalize my way through difficulties, try to live in a state of acceptance, try to be present.

But trust me, there is mud and there are wounds, there is mildew, wilted flowers, broken glass and damp, dark spaces in my life.  They exist and they are real, and sometimes they overwhelm me.  Sometimes I let people into my little peculiar hiding places but most of the time I don't.  It is who I am, and I am trying to be OK with exactly who I am rather than continue to give myself grief every time I fall short of who I want to be, which is a lot.

Today I have no answers, only questions and musings and tiny observations.  My life, in a nutshell.

Comments

[Nancy]

Take it one day at a time, somedays it's okay to be down and express the truth and then move on. Just be yourself, thanks for sharing and showing your honesty! :o)

[mccabe]

wow, this piece really spoke to me.
i think so many of us struggle with this and yet it is not spoken of often....

so, thank you-
for being you and being real.

that is what inspires me the most.

love,
mccabe xx

[Liz]

it's all a delicate balance isn't it? That path that you create in your own particular life is ever so beautiful, and I am sure has its own brand of difficulties as well, and whatever parts of it you choose to share here or in other parts of your life are true and real, whether you reveal all the stories or not.

Our vulnerability with each other as humans is a beautiful, lovely and daunting thing, and the sharing of our vulnerability with a larger virtual world can be difficult, and also, I have seen it be damaging to some... I guess what I am trying to say is that your questions and thoughts are all too palpable and however much you choose to share, or not, remains at its core a reflection of the purity of heart, of wisdom and of your own life experience that you carry with you always, and that, for me, is totally beautiful. I have been thinking the past few days about authenticity, about what people call the authentic voice, and wondering where and when authenticity gets blurred, and where and when it remains the sharpest, the most focused.

Sharing your joys, your triumphs, your giggles, your love of life is a gift you give, and whatever you share of yourself, uglies or not, will, I think, always remain at its heart, the beautiful shimmery core of your own authentic self. I think that people respond to you because you are a seeker, an authentic voice in this world, and whatever you choose to share reflects those things.

[Di]

I think you're right ... a lot of bloggers struggle with it. I tend to leave out the tough times as much as possible. And then, while writing, I find myself in a space where I relax and fall into the act of writing.

Everything on my blog is true but there are things I simply don't mention and pieces I leave out.

Congratulations on what you've created, just by the way. I never imagined there was no cost but I enjoy watching as you create.

[linni]

it does not matter what you write,
for I adore you which ever way you come.
I would love to read about 'all of you', not just the glittery parts, but you have a way of living your life that you sparkle, even when you don't feel shiny!

You are beautiful and honest and positive and hopeful and sometimes puzzled and angry and sad...but you are human and you are 100% YOU and that is why I love you xx

[linda]

i think a shiny, sparkling place is wonderful to visit, but it's also a relief to know that other people have the same struggles from time to time. it's more human. and more inclusive. and more real. takes the pressure off the rest of us :) no worries - you are wonderful. linda

[Kerstin]

Beautifully said, Christine, your words resonate deeply. And make me think about why I read the blogs I do? I have to admit that those that are "happy" all the time don't give me much. I feel drawn to those that are on an authentic path and where I feel inspired by their journeys. But I have to admit that I, myself, feel like a fraud at times. My blog is my conscience and I often use the virtual world out there as its sounding board. I struggle with my own authenticity and that is why I keep coming back here, because this is where I am reminded of its roots. You are the "real deal" because you do question and muse and observe :)

[Paris Parfait]

Like you, I try to put on the best face; to put people at ease; to spin the positive rather than the uncertainty; trying to bring out the light, rather than focus on the darkness. Balance is a fine tightrope to walk these days, but I try to dwell on the good and positive things in life, rather than scary issues lurking in the background. Once in a blue moon I'll write about a personal struggle along the journey - if it seems someone else may benefit from knowing the story - but more often than not, I deal w/ it privately - often w/ the help of my closest friends. xo

[tiffany]

That was so beautifully written, and I think that you've summed up what so many people feel. I think that we are all looking for a little glitter. It's an escape, a way to know that the really really fantastic things are possible!

Thank you for your honesty.

[Marianne]

It's a delicate line and we all find our own path to it. I'm inclined more to show the mess when it comes up, because I'm as proud of my messiness (and the journey I have walked and continue to walk through it) as I am of my glow - but I think that whichever balance feels best for you is the one that is right for you. You rock!

[schmoops]

as humans, we all realize that we all have struggles and high points and low points and darkness. it's being able to see the light and the beauty and the HOPE in these moments that allow us to achieve great things and spread that positive energy as a contribution to the world ~ which you absolutely do!... and i am learning to do from people like you.

it's okay to be content. ; )

[Lisa]

This was very well stated :)