Re-calibration

This word was given to me over the weekend and what a gift it was.  Thirteen little letters, one small word.  A gift, a way out, a sparkling charm to carry with me wherever I go and ponder as I go here and there, hand people money for a coffee, pack a suitcase, write a note, light a candle.  The word calibration is defined as this:  to plan or devise (something) carefully so as to have a precise use, application, appeal, etc.  In re-calibrating you go through that process more than once, re-visit it, adjust it, alter its terrain.  One word, one extraordinary gift.

On the plane ride from Chicago to Los Angeles yesterday, I hammered out a three page, 1700+ word treatise on why I've decided to adjust - ever so slightly - the focus of this blog.  Thinking myself the Warrior of Honesty, that I simply had to share why I've decided to try something different because that's what I do, I realized this morning I did not need to go into the details.  Because they aren't especially pretty details and I couldn't quite articulate what purpose all that sharing would serve aside from what would very likely be a fleeting feeling of catharsis.  I am not trying to hide anything, protect some dark secret or gloss over the truth, I am choosing to take this as an opportunity to begin to let go of a lot of tangled feelings and emotions that have had their day in the sun for far too long.  If I write a big entry about certain details, then all I'm doing is extending their stay and giving them more air time.  It is time to move on.

Whenever the topic of blogging comes up, the thing I say about it most consistently is this:  it is a tool to help me practice my writing.  I enjoy the challenge of discussing and processing personal experiences in a way that is coherent, interesting and inspiring.  I treasure the community and I value the exchanges; I love that my writing has helped some readers feel less alone and more courageous.  I do not want to stop expressing myself in this way, but it is time to shift its focus.  In this change, my aim is threefold:

1.  To go further with the idea of using this blog as a tool to become a better writer.  The idea is simple:  every day that I can, I will pull a topic or question from a jar, and that is what I will write about.  Whether I am in the mood or not, whether it has anything to do with what I am experiencing on that particular day, the topics I write about will be dictated by chance rather than immediate experiences. 

2.  To remove the more day-to- day personal aspect of my writing.  In other words, my writing will continue to be centered around beliefs, questions and ideas that I explore through my personal experiences, but they will not necessarily be taken from what is going on the day I am writing.  If I am feeling angry about a work-related issue, I might pull from that experience in an entry three months later, but the day it happens I will very likely write about something very different.  (Or if I am feeling compelled to write about something as it is happening, I might save it for a later post that covers topics explored in that piece of writing.)

3.  To take a step away from using this blog as a high school yearbook, where my friendships are notches on a popularity belt and our time together fodder for the judgments and opinions of other people.  I acknowledge that this last piece comes from a defensive place, and that is the closest I'll come to the glaring truth of why I'm changing the way I approach this blog.  I think all I need to say here is that the world I share with my friends and the world I share on this blog, well, they need a little breathing room, a little time apart.  They were getting too closely connected for my comfort level and as mind-blowingly proud as I am of the friends I have, I am feeling rather protective of these connections right now.

I am looking forward to using this blog as a tool to help me become a better writer.  I have been stuck behind a monstrous wall of resistance around my writing, and it is time to deal with that, even if it feels like one small step in a long journey ahead of me.  The first step, I have found, is always the most important, and this shift feels like a first step on many levels.

Onward I go.

Comments

[Marianne]

Nice one. Funny thing is this morning I was thinking about all the things in my life right now I could be writing about on my blog - but now that the blog's focus has been shifted to be a driver of my writing rather than a record of my journey, none of it seemed quite right. SO instead I'll go sit at my writing desk and write!

Love ya
x

[christine]

I want to talk about this with you!
Maybe next week? xo

[Kirsten Michelle]

this sounds like a beautiful new chapter.
lead on, swirly girl.
xoxoxo

[Sue]

Like what you're saying a lot. Look forward to the new style.

[Trish]

Bravo to you, I can appreciate your fostering cover for those you care about. A public forum is a wonderful creative expression. At times while it is brave to step out into the spotlight it is also wise to retreat into solitude to replenish, refuel, recalibrate. I celebrate and salute your decision. These days I am very introverted, hibernating and retreating from this world we are apart of.

Much love to you,
Trish
patriciadolan@comcast.net

[Graciel @ Evenstar Art]

Go ahead, Brave Woman. You are right on the mark. Pull back and reach out in a new way. Honor yourself. Instruct the next dance.
xo

[jin]

I so admire your honesty and discipline and focus, along with your creativity. Onward and upward!!

[jenica]

good for you girl.

speak your truth.
i'm listening.

(((hugs)))

[Chris]

Such courage to make the changes you need in order to continue growing. You're my new role model! Good luck!

[Heather Robertson]

Stop my my blog to receive your "Major French Award".

Heather :)

[Elizabeth]

oh what a thinking bee you are! so much percolating in that beautiful head of yours-- love your courage and your creativity and always enjoy coming here to see what you have cooked up!

[lisa]

wow. I am looking forward to your words.

[linni]

I love the way you question and answer and wonder and get all excited...i'm sure your beauty will shine through the new essays coming our way...cause you do everything with such grace! xx

[Susannah]

Bravo, love x

[liz elayne]

yes. that word is brilliant.

looking forward to reading.

(bravo to you christine. bravo for setting the boundaries you need and want.)

[jen gray]

:)

yes.

good.

xo

[rowena]

From one warrior to another,

charge!

[Liz Kalloch]

Right on sister girl... go boldly forward into new territory... and I now look forward to reading your new life as an essayist... you just plain rock it don't you. (that was not a question, but if it sounded like one, it was purely rhetorical)

[Anna]

what a fantastic idea...can't wait

[gem]

mmmhh...the words that comes to mind as i digest this post are: breaking through. i am touched by this post, in particular, your offering of the word "re-calibration". i feel re-calibrating happening in my own little life. yes. thank you, Christine.
warmly,
gem

[amy]

i look forward to reading your views on the topics that get pulled from the jar. it sounds like a wonderful, thoughtful new step. the lovely glimpses into your relationships that you've shared have shown us all something precious. and i completely understand your desire to protect that.

[vivienne]

i'm really looking forward to reading your writing in the 'pulled from a jar' style of inspiration. i honor that you making these changes, and though i thought your blog was delightful as it was, i think it sounds like some good changes that feel right to you.

[Karen Cage]

I'm looking forward to the evolution of your blog. Congratulations on taking the opportunity to re-calibrate. :-)

[linda e]

do you realizzze how much beezz get done in a day? and all they do izzz just go about their own bizznezz. feels like a relief, eh? and you are the Warrior of Honesty....to yourself first and foremost. linda

[BJ Lantz]

Good for you, Christine! I'll look forward to reading your re-calibrated entries :-)