Grace

[Meet Grace:  She's super cool.]

This is kind of how I'm feeling - reigning in a little bit (OK, a lot) of excitement, looking ahead to all that is possible.  Strangely, there are also inklings of shyness and smallness swimming around in my heart right now.  Perhaps that is because I just finished writing an essay about an experience I had when I was around Grace's age, a story that inspired me to pull out old photos of the year that story played itself out.  The photos show me in red sneakers, the same haircut as Grace, a missing tooth, and a slightly shy smile.  Lately it has been hard not to look at these photos of myself as a little girl without getting weepy, wishing so desperately I could go back to her, hug her and tell her how brave and strong and wonderful she is.  At that age, when the first day of school was still a monumental event, I had already begun developing a certain stoicism, a certain guardedness.  I was not an unhappy or brooding child, but I was cautious when it came to my emotions.  I learned early on how to keep them in check, and how to unleash my energy through my imagination.

Now here I am, all these years later, and all these years ahead of Grace, yet still feeling the same kind of excited, sparkly energy that shines through this photo of her.  And I can't help but stop and think about all the ways I have managed to bring astounding love and beauty in my life despite having had to learn how to protect my tiny beating heart at such a young age.  Grace and I have a peculiar, sad story in common, and I can't help but want the same twinkling twists of fate to carry her to the kind of joy I now know in my own life (due in no small part to my friendship with her mom).  I can't help but look at the way she smiles in all the photos I've taken of her and have tremendous hope that she, too, will learn that the choices of certain people in her life are no reflection on her and take nothing away from the fact that she is an extraordinary little girl.  She smiles bigger than I did, laughs more for the camera than I did, and in this I see so much hope, so much promise that certain cards she was dealt will not prevent her from recognizing all that is good and beautiful inside of her.

I have exciting news that has to be kept quiet for a little bit longer, but I am savoring the goodness of today, the strange way things come to life, and all the ways the universe lets me know that my life is unfolding with perfect grace, balance and beauty.

Comments

[Blair]

Christine - I sit here crying quietly, reading your words and looking at a lovely picture of my little girl.
(good cry, not bad cry)
I want nothing more than to keep her smiling, and feeling brave. Tonight, and every night, I intend to "hug her and tell her how brave and strong and wonderful she is"...

[kolleen harrison]

i love this post...as i do SO many of yours! i couldn't agree more with wanting to go back and give ourselves hugs and whispers of wisdom! i am raising three beautiful, amazing girls and only hope i can bestow on them some of your guidance in my words to them.
Congrats also on your good news! i'm so happy i found you through knowing Pixie and visiting her site - she is so inspiring to me...a one of a kind gem!

[Renate]

"...wishing so desperately I could go back to her, hug her and tell her how brave and strong and wonderful she is..." Christine, do you see, you just did - for she is still there inside you and you can speak to your inner child and comfort her.
Beauftiful post!
Wishing you a wonderful day!
xo

[Shannon]

I love the wisdom, centeredness, heart and, yes, grace I hear in your words. So thrilled for your good news and even more for your certainty that indeed the universe is unfolding exactly as it should. (I appreciated the reminder of that truth today!)
Hooray!

[amy]

thank you for sharing your lovely, wise words. your observations on stoicism and guardedness resonate deeply. this gorgeous little girl's own strength and the guidance of wonderful women like you will be a powerful combination.