Stirrings

One of the latest creations by my dear friend and creative soulmate Nancy Faulkner.

Monday evening, the Monday of a three-day weekend in Solvang.  Fire roaring.  Dinner plates cleaned off, glasses empty.  Full, content, sleepy and warm.  Yet something in me is stirring; there is a quiet voice saying, "Get ready.  Stay focused.  It is now time for you to do some hard work."  The term "hard work" in this message encompasses so many things that cover such a wide range of emotions it is difficult to tap into any one of those emotions.  "Should I be worried?, I ask myself, "Why would I want to do that when I have this other thing over here that is so fantabulous I can hardly see straight?  Then should I celebrate?, I continue, "Absolutely, but for now set that aside because you have some business to attend to."  For all of these things I must be strong, focused and resolute in my goals.  My priorities must be locked firmly into place and stapled to my forehead.  Only by blocking out any and all distractions will I get through the next month or so with my equilibrium intact.  I do not exaggerate when I say that in this time one of my grandest dreams will most likely come true and another one will probably disappear forever.  One made real; one lost.  Side by side.  Practically simultaneous.  Perhaps that is why I feel strangely calm and peaceful at the moment.  Each of these experiences is not cancelling each other out, but tempering one another.  Holding each other steady on my emotional scale.

I found the passage below in one of my computer files this evening.  I do not know when I wrote it or why, but it feels appropriate for this evening.  Maybe it had to come out of me a while ago but then sit still for a while, hidden from anyone else's eyes until I was ready to release it.

"As a girl I wore fairy wings and shoes with pink ribbons instead of shoelaces.  I sat under trees sprinkled with stars.  As a woman my wings are wide and speckled, like a hawk in flight.  I am armed with a sword, a bow and arrow and combat boots.  I do not sit under those trees anymore, but instead climb them and perch myself on a branch to stare at the moon."

Tonight, as I stare at the moon - with its Sea of Calm, Bay of Rainbows, Ocean of Storms and Marsh of Sleep - I am pondering all of the delight and delicacy that this world, and all of its inhabitants, has to offer.  We come into this world as such tiny, helpless creatures and somehow [hopefully] evolve into beings full of light and power.  But whatever light exists within us shines that much brighter alongside our darkness.  When is the tiny flame of a candle more exquisite and enchanting - in a brightly lit room or in the darkness of night?  When are we made more aware of its presence, its movement and its beauty?  For once light is unleashed in a space of darkness, the darkness loses.  No matter what, the darkness loses.

Comments

[Kerstin]

Hi Christine,

Back from my prolonged reading deprivation it takes me longer to catch up with you as I want to understand, indulge and savour every word and expression. Coming here is always like a special treat, something I leave for when I have a moment of quiet and serenity.

Often I feel like you are miles ahead of me in your spiritual development, even when you describe down times, there is always a sparkly ray of hope and inspiration that shimmers through. And for that I am grateful because I can take some of that light and shine it into my own darkness.

Thank you, Kerstin

[alison]

wow! just insanely beautiful! thank you for sharing!

[Leonie]

what an energy filled, eloquent and beautiful post... thank you so much for sharing...
i particularly loved the bit about us coming into the world as such tiny, helpless things... and growing into souls of radiance and power...

deep blessings to you,
leonie

[teahouseblossom]

I like what you wrote, but I must confess that I found the painting to be a little creepy. Maybe it's just paintings of eggs that kind of freak me out.

[Kathleen ~chillybean~]

"For once light is unleashed in a space of darkness, the darkness loses. No matter what, the darkness loses."

I JUST LOOOVE YOUR INSIGHT...IT IS AS BEAUTIFUL AS THE ARTWORK YOU POSTED...

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SITE AND FOR YOUR INSIGHT..

XXO

[Laini Taylor]

Christine, I LOVE LOVE LOVE your piece of writing about wings. It's fabulous! Isn't it great to find things you have no memory of writing? They're little serendipities, gifts from your past self to the present, kind of like you traveled in time and surprised yourself. Wonderful.

[Sarah Pezdek-Smith]

Totally unrelated to today's post...thank you for your kind words about my are and stopping by my blog today :) I am glad that you found me and hope that you return :)

[bohemiangirl]

that passage was riveting. it really danced through my soul today. i went back to it a few times before i could respond.

the bit about climbing up the tree rather than sitting under it. if this is so...we'd see a whole new perspective on life, on our dreams. they'd seem closer to our touch, not out of site or far away.

what power to be perched and with combat boots.

[tinker]

I had to step out of the shadows where I usually lurk on the edge of your blog, to tell you the beauty and truth of your words are shimmering like candlelight, resonating like a bell, for me tonight. Thank you for sharing them.

[patry]

I always find something wonderful here.

[pixie]

mmmm. i took a workshop on "the shadow" a few years ago and this post makes me think of how intense it was. it made me love the darkness, rather than fear it as i did, because you can only see the light in the dark. i resonated more with your comment about the light existing alongside the dark, and the visual of the candle in the dark room, does not leave me feeling like darkness loses. because i no longer fear the dark, it has no negative power, i see dark and light within me peacefully coexisting and that to me is beautiful. i cannot deny the dark parts, they are me as well as the light. this is what came up for me...thank you for shedding light on my parts!! i love your darkness and your lightness, which i think are wonderfully in balance.....
and nancy's painting is just f*&^%ing INCREDIBLE!!!! please tell her i said so.

[T]

Forgive me if this comment makes little sense,your post did something wonderful for me

"...I do not sit under those trees anymore, but instead climb them and perch myself on a branch to stare at the moon..." This brought me back to my center-it reminded me of the warrior inside of me, that powerful part that lately has been sitting quietly in the tree just watching the insecure girl work it out. I honestly forgot about her up there in the tree. The darkness always loses.....

[Teece]

the last few lines...

so... perfect.

Thank you!

[la vie en rose]

oh swirly, today your words are beautiful, delicious and filled with hope. my heart is smiling. thank you for that dear friend.

[maria]

Hi Swirly! Just leaving a quick comment to let you know I'm still here, eating up and loving all of your posts ... but doing very much what you describe in this one ... staying really really focused on things that had/have to get done right now, and eliminating all distractions (well, as many as I can) and trying to be disciplined. I feel like I have to go slow right now to go fast ... getting some things in order, organized, and in control ... in able to get to more balance.

So, I haven't been leaving many comments and haven't posted in a long time myself ... but will really soon. Unlike you, I haven't mastered the art of short, frequent posts that capture things as I go along day by day, so instead I feel like it will take me a whole day to distill the essence of the past few weeks into some sort of intelligible post, shoot pics, etc.

Beautiful passage, and beautiful post, as always.

[Sarah Pezdek-Smith]

The last lines of this post really resonated with me....i think back from time to time about what it was like to be younger and wishing I could go back...life then didn't seem any easier, but for some reason i was much less afraid to take risks...a trait i wish I carried with me today. Now that i have a husband, home and baby taking risks seems like too much of a risk...there is more riding on a choice now than ever before. Your post though gave me a new perspective, it filled me with a comfort knowing that some things really are worth the risk....thank you :)

I am so anxious to hear what Mondo Beyondo dream of yours is about to come true :)

[kelly]

wow...your words are absolutely inspiring.
how do you do that. bryce had two athletes
who qualified for the state swim meet, get
arrested for possession of pot. i have been
trying to think of a way to send something
inspiring to them. words that make them think about their choices. those words
are brilliant. and raw truth that cuts so deep. thank you for sharing both the words and the enlightening artwork....so haunting

[megg]

Hi there,

I felt so strong after reading your post! I LOVED your last lines about the darkness losing. I read them to myself a few times, relishing the strength that they gave me. I also appreciated the words that you found that you had written. So often we look back and long to be that little girl again, but really, that grown woman is so powerful, how could you not want to be her too? Thanks for the inspiration today!!