The rain is pattering gently on the roof, lulling me into a deep relaxation. It is just past 6:30pm, but I feel like I could fall asleep right now. Part of me wants to curl up beneath a blanket and simply breathe, but I am also enjoying perusing through this book and sketching out ideas for my girl. I started a number of new 12"x12" pieces with her today and am eager to finish them tomorrow...and then do more. She is becoming such a presence in my life - a healing presence, a light. There is so much more I want to write about her but will save my thoughts for tomorrow when I can post more pictures of her.
I have been blue, I have to admit. Blue yet peaceful, for I know the choice I must now make is the best one for myself, for my heart. It is difficult, but also creating a current of air beneath me that is shifting a huge weight off of my shoulders. With this sadness there will be a newfound freedom, a freedom I have never known. [At least I hope so.] And from this new vantage point I will embark on an adventure that I only thought was possible in my dreams, a dream I have carried with me for many years but never imagined could become real. I will share this later, I promise, but for now I ask you to sit still with me in this moment. Right now I just need to exist quietly in the space of my broken heart. Through the cracks there is much light, and I can feel its warmth, but I know I must let these feelings flow through me right now or they will come back to haunt me later. This is where I have to be; this is how I must take care of myself.
"Courage is the price that life exacts for granting peace. The soul that knows it not, knows no release from little things." -Amelia Earhart Putnam
sitting with you in spirit, although a couple days late. (((big hugs)))
Posted by: kat | March 01, 2006 at 01:05 PM
Watching the steam rise up from my coffee cup, savoring stillness without and trying for stillness within. It sounds like you have the patience to allow what needs to be born, to be born, and what needs to fade away, to fade.
Posted by: Monica | March 01, 2006 at 10:11 AM
oh how I wish I could take away the pain but I know that is part of the process. just remember that this is what you need and you will be ok. you are a truly amazing woman and I am so grateful you are part of my life. (((((HUGS))))....just wish I was there to give you one in person. xoxooooo
Posted by: melissa | March 01, 2006 at 06:12 AM
"Through the cracks there is much light, and I can feel its warmth..." Know that old cliche about "When one door closes, another opens...but damn these hallways are dark!"...?? In the place you've described I sometimes feel like I'm in the hallway...I can see the light leaking under the closed doors...I'm near the one I'm about to open...so close I could reach out and turn the knob...but I crave a little time first...time to just sit in the semi-darkness...to breathe in a grace-filled moment of transition...before embarking on the next chapter...
Posted by: Marilyn | February 28, 2006 at 10:06 PM
Christine, I'm so sorry to hear you're blue and going through something big and sad -- I know your fierce and wonderful wings will carry you through and on towards your dreams. Glad you've got your girl with you, too. All best wishes.
Posted by: Laini Taylor | February 28, 2006 at 05:23 PM
i love the way you put it. I'm processing a lot fo feelings myself these days, and i'm not being nearly as patient about it as you are. Thanks for reminding me that it's ok to just sit with it and be in it.
Posted by: Teece | February 28, 2006 at 04:33 PM
sit with it friend! feel it! let it flow!
Posted by: la vie en rose | February 28, 2006 at 12:01 PM
I am another person who is standing up quietly to be counted as one of those whose lives you have touched and inspired. I wish for you a long sit by the sea. If you sit quietly with her, she will help you through anything. You are so brave, know that I am sending best wishes. take care of you!
Posted by: megg | February 28, 2006 at 10:37 AM
(gently pats her shoulder and shares a tentative smile ....)
I, too, am going through these emotions. And I, too, know that I must let these feels course through me, painful, scary and new as they are. I, too, know that a new beginning waits for me on the other side. May I sit with you in silence?
Posted by: Velvet Brick | February 28, 2006 at 10:11 AM
psssstt. who you are is so inspiring to me. that is my thought as i hold space for your heart in all its transformations and still times.
Posted by: pixie | February 28, 2006 at 09:52 AM
sitting with you quietly, listening to the rain.
warm, warm hugs,
denise
Posted by: bohemiangirl | February 28, 2006 at 09:34 AM
you are brave. and i sit here next to you. honoring who you are, the journey you are on, and the future that is before you.
be well...feel the warmth of that light.
and i cannot wait see your new creations of your girl and to hear more about her...
Posted by: liz elayne | February 27, 2006 at 09:05 PM
I wanted to honour you in your silence,
in your blue~ness.
I do not wish to comfort you {as that is really only to comfort myself}.
Instead, I circle with you, and let you sit in the cracking, the breaking and the reforming. Ahh, yes, you are meant to be there right now.
It will ready you for what is it come, what will be, and what is now. And what has led you here.
I honour,
Blessings,
Leonie
[elated after a night of womens circling and miracles breaking loose]
Posted by: Leonie | February 27, 2006 at 07:59 PM
Christine: I've really enjoyed following your journal for the past few months and have been so encouraged by your honesty and transparency. You have inspired me to try some new things in my life (including starting my own blog). I must admit, I'm curious to find out the choice that seems to be taking you in a new, and not entirely pleasant direction, but I really admire your desire to deal with the feelings on the front end of it. I'll be lifting up prayers that you'll have peace and clarity in the days ahead. Blessings to you!
Posted by: Kim | February 27, 2006 at 07:40 PM