Inward

The last couple of days have given a dull gray finish to the sky with a bit of drizzle here and there and a slight nip in the air.  I went for a walk around my block this morning to take pictures, and immediately fixed myself a cup of tea when I got back home.  I have become a bona fide whimp living in California for more than a dozen years, and love the fact that I get to spend the rest of today in my cozy studio.

I do not have any shows on my calendar for the next many months, and after last year's whirlwind of trying to take advantage of every opportunity I had to show my work, I am just fine with this.  I am working on projects, pieces and creations that are part of a much longer term goal, and being able to relax and get comfortable in the process of this endeavor feels downright luxurious.  I am simply creating and creating and creating and worrying about the order of things later.  Last year's routine of setting a numeric goal, as in, "I want to have ten new pieces for this show," has been flung unceremoniously out the window.

My greatest challenge right now is that I want to start showing a lot of my new work, but I need to let it sit quietly without any kind of audience for the time being.  I feel a certain pressure to always be putting my latest work out in the world, pressure that exists from old voices telling me I must continually prove to the world I am an artist.  I am not trying to squash these voices as much as let them have their tantrums all they want while I simply go on working.  Sometimes you have to invite your demons right through your front door and serve them tea and cookies, and before too long you'll realize they aren't giant ogres with sharp claws and blazing eyes, but frightened children that have tiny arms and feet.

I continue to open myself up more fully and completely to the process of living, creating and sharing, to the ideal of constructing a life that reflects my values and passions and gifts.  Even though I am walking through this life connected to people without whom I would whither, in many ways this deeper commitment to my life's work is a solitary journey, because the goal is to create and follow a vision that is unencumbered by outside opinions of what I ought to be doing as a woman, a wife, an artist, an anything.  There are plenty of opinions, advice, feedback, etc. that people give freely, openly and with positive intentions, and I am free to take what resonates with what I want to create in my life - and I most certainly ask for help when I feel stuck - but beyond any outside noise, my strongest frequency must be a direct line to my own heart, my own self.

“To be alive is the biggest fear humans have. Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive – the risk to be alive and express what we really are. Just being ourselves is the biggest fear of humans. We have learned to live our lives trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else. Trying to be good enough for them, we create an image of perfection, but we do not fit this image. We create this image, but this image is not real. We are never going to be perfect from this point of view. Never!”  -The Four Agreements

Comments

[mccabe]

swirly,

i have been a fan of your work for years,
and it is really interesting to hear your creative process.

your pictures alone inspired me!
i would love to do art with you someday...

love
mccabe xx

[rak]

That excerpt is perfect for me today, following a difficult week. It's a constant struggle for me to love me enough to be me... so thank you for this post:)

[Tara]

I'd have to click back a few arrows to figure out how I got to this post. It's my first time here. I love your writing. It amazes me how we are guided to certain words when we need to read them most. Thank you for being part of my world today.

[Popeye]

(sometimes my creativity bites me in the leg like a snake that was hiding in sage brush)

[Liz]

the quiet, before what will happen next... I love the peak into your studio and the gentle disorder and work happening, on a rainy day in february. And the inviting your demons to tea: perfect!

[kelly]

you know i love those words. delilah blue ate my book before i had a chance to finish it. so guess who is going to the bookstore saturday...yippie....

i don't know why, but i really teared up reading this post. it is so silly, but i wish i were in california. green sounds so good right now.

i love all the comments left, we all need to believe this and live this.

[melissa]

this quote hits home with me...thank you for sharing. and as always your post is something I needed to read today. xoxo

[leah]

what a beautiful post. i could relate to much of it. xox

[Frida]

"My strongest frequency must be a direct line to my own heart" - I couldn't have said my own thoughts better. I'm over here, miles away, following the same frequency from a different heart - but one which is tuned in to your station as well. x

[Mayberry Magpie]

Christine, this is such a beautiful post. Your words move me to explore my own heart. You can read it, Haunting my heart, at

www.mayberrymagpie.com

I credited you and I thank you for helping me uncover thoughts just below the surface.

Mayberry Mapgie

[boho girl]

oh my...that quote just rocks my world. i had read it before but it has all new meaning to me now. thank you...

i have such full and lovely feelings about where you are at. its peaceful and knowing and patient and inspired. watching it all unfold is an honor.

seeing your creative energy sprawled out on your studio floor is a gift and gives me goosebumps.

loving you.

[Ms. Conley]

Your ARE a GODDESS - above all! Never forget it. Hope you are thinking about the BIG piece I need. It's all you.....create, create, create!!!

[linni]

the peaceful music reminds me of where you are right now at this minute...xx

[matirose]

beautifully written and on point as always for me. i love the peek into your creating and that i can spot your paints in rainbow order:)

[liz elayne]

thank you for sharing where you are...for sharing you...

and, as often happens when i visit you, your words are exactly the reminder i need...the whisper that says, "you are on your path..."
(thank you)

[Graciel]

You are nurturing your Goddess energy and it makes my heart glad. You inspire with your forthright sharing and help confirm all the other Goddesses that visit your world, they have the right to nurture themselves too. When one woman truly dances to her own tune, it allows others to do the same. Yes, "dance instructor" is another label, but it fits you well. :)