Squam Art Workshops :: On Roles

During high school and college, my Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays were always spent at the same place:  Honeybaked Ham.  If you're not familiar with HH, it is (or at least was back in the day) the go-to spot for holiday hams.  Our local store always had lines wrapping around the block in November and December, so my friends and I had a reliable source for extra cash during breaks from school.  I worked at HH for many years, and during that time I had every possible job available in the store.  I eventually reached the coveted spot of bookkeeper, but only after climbing up the ranks from my first position as "ham pusher", which involved bundling up and working in the refrigerator pushing hams up to the front of the shelves that opened up to the retail counter.  I worked the deli counter, arranged party trays, re-stocked sauces, wrapped hams, and took phone orders.  If HH had merit badges, I'd have walked away with a sash full of them.

I am beginning to feel the same way about Squam Art Workshops (SAW).  I have been at all three events and at each have played a variety of different roles.  I have been a student and a guest speaker, sold my wares at vendor night and taught.  I've volunteered, moderated a panel discussion, made signs, written up name tags, hauled boxes, and assisted with check-in.  I am committed to SAW, I believe in SAW, and once I make up my mind to give my energy to something, I go all out, which explains why, after all three events, I've returned home wanting to do nothing more than sleep for a week.

Over the past week or so since I've been back home, I have been thinking a lot about my role at SAW, and feel fortunate to have so many different experiences to look to for guidance on what I really want to do there.  On the one hand, it is part of my nature to try to take on as much as I can, and this September's event was no exception.  And I don't regret going for it the way I did, even though at the end of it I was running on fumes.  Because although I was physically and mentally drained, I was emotionally full, my only unfulfilled desire being a wish for more time - for stillness, for meeting new people, for walks in the woods.

I am now taking an inventory of everything I've done at SAW and challenging myself to take on less at next year's events.  Not because I don't want to give SAW my all, but because I recognize that 99% of my energy is sent outward when I am there, and I would like to bring that down a notch.  I went to this September's events with a number of different intentions and goals, and I am happy to say most of them were fulfilled.  I am proud of this, but also see that it is time for me to start playing with the idea of fewer goals and an intention of greater balance.  I don't yet know what that will look like, but when I think about my role at SAW next year, this is what is on my mind.

It is hard in a situation like SAW not to want to do it all, take in as much as possible and feel like there is a herculean standard that must be lived up to in order to make the experience worthwhile.  The experience of SAW has been built up like nothing I've ever seen thanks to all the gushing blog posts - which SAW deserves, absolutely - and I think it can be hard to go into it without certain expectations.  I think it is also easy to see what one wants to see when there, and entirely possible for pre-conceived notions to shape the way the weekend unfolds for each of us (more on this tomorrow). 

All that said, my goal now is to let go of trying to do it all and make choices.  I need to choose what to let go of, what to say no to, and what to invite into my SAW experiences.  It is not possible to sculpt what I want into a perfectly finished idea that I can carry in my suitcase; whatever plans I make or intentions I set will be thrown off kilter by one thing or another.  That is the nature of anything in life - I plan, things change, I adapt.  And then, before I know it, whatever imaginings I've held in my heart for months will play themselves out (or not) and then it will be over, and I'll be back home again to dream a new dream, and start planning for the next gathering.

>>>>>WEDNESDAY GIVE AWAY:  Free Stationery Set!  Enter a comment and the winner will be announced tomorrow.  

Yesterday's winner is the divine Leah!  Drop me a line Leah so I can send you your LOOT!

Comments

[Lis]

seems like slowing down, doing less, absorbing more is the theme for many lately, myself included.

thanks for the reminder and the inspiration

[Tracy]

Squam sounds amazing. Perhaps one day we'll have something along these lines in my part of the world.

Please enter me in the draw. :)

[Kate Robertson]

It is so easy to get into overwhelm at these kind of events. You want ever possible second of the experience which is often unrealistic. I have been there done that and I think working in a little down time is essential. You are wise to think of how you want your next experience to be. Oh I'd love to be entered in your drawing.

Kate

[Heather]

I hope to someday attend Squam, it sounds so inspiring! Beautiful stationery!

[Jill D.]

do another video! you are so funny!

[Jennifer]

I love seeing your photos and hearing your stories about squam. Since I wasn't able to attend I feel like you have brought squam to me. Thank for this.

[Tara]

Sigh... wish I could have been there. It was so nice to meet you at last year's SAW. Would love to win the stationery!

[jen@jengray.com]

well said love..... like you ive had the luxury of experiencing SAW from many different angles.....each time, i have walked away with such valuable pieces to my story.. I am honored to have shared these times with you, and all the future SAW's to come.

(I bet you were the hottest ham pusher Honey Baked ever did see)

xo jen gray

[Barbara Israel]

Bird by Bird (from Anne Lamott's book by the same title) is my motto when I am feeling a bit of overwhelm. Everything will come about as it should. Would love to win your lovely stationary set. Thanks for all the inspiration and sharing your life with all of us.

[Linda]

There are so many people that make Squam what it is - 150 of them, actually...and Elizabeth, of course gets a huge hug, but to you and the Squam Angels who helped in a thousand ways that made everything run so smoothly...a huge thank you. my week was made so much better by the things you made happen. and i think this year was a time of uber-heightened expectations...a difficult challenge for any mortal. Squam is a perfect land for the heart to listen and the spirit expand. just like my Rock Fairy rock said - Expand. you are all endlessly wonderful, and i thank you for your hard work (it is) and determination to create magic. Linda

[heather]

I really appreciate your thoughtful posts about Squam. I am hoping to be able to make it next year, and to be honest, all the gushing I've read about it both inspires me and totally intimidates me. It kind of helps to read an "it's OK to take it easy and be flexible" perspective on the experience.

[Jamie]

I saw one woman at Squam who was realizing the last night that she had over done it. She has a large online presence and was so incredibly dedicated to nourishing old and new relationships that she hadn't allowed the time to nourish herself. I really felt for her.
I think you nailed it on the head...we all all could stand to let go of trying to do it all and make choices.
XO
Jamie

[Jill Nalette]

staying present is hard when we're too busy always trying to get everything and everyone your 100 percent. i say think about what you want, set your intentions and hope for the best. by the way thank you for making me feel special. Squam was a magical treat for me.

Big hugs, smiles and love~ Jill from n.h.
nalettejm@yahoo.com

[Melba]

You are a wise woman Christine ~Continue to listen to your inner being!

[darlene]

i like what you said about expectations .. when i boarded the plane, i decided to leave my expectations at the door which was the best thing i could have done because it was all so very wonderful and organic in how it played out for me. i couldn't have imagined it any better if i had tried. that said, spending a week in new york city with my husband afterward may have been the craziest way to decompress ;-) but it seems to have worked because i came back to my life and work feeling refreshed and full of energy (after sleeping for 1.5 days solid ahem) and for that i am ever grateful.

and i agree with bella ~ you and the others who volunteered, wow, you all are so amazing and filled with such beautiful light and am glad to here you are finding ways to recharge that light of yours by making choices that work for you. xo

[iamthediva]

I agree with Suzy.

[bella]

I thought you and the rest of the lovely ladies who volunteered did a fabulous job. You have a warm presence and a fun personality that really shines.
This was my first trip to SAW, and I honestly went into it with zero expectations (except the food, I heard the food was amazing from many people!) and my time there just unfolded before me like a freaking blooming flower. I had an amazing time - and a big part of that was because I let go of everything and let the weekend take me where it would.
You know best what will work for you on your 4th trip. I'm sure it will be all good.

[linda]

I think once you've tried everything, then you can focus on the few chosen ones - as with everything in life. Sounds like a natural progression to me...from what you have shared. I wish I could have been there at Squam...maybe next year!

[Grace]

i think the evening activities ( wink wink) are a very important piece of squaming - hopefully that will remain one of yor SAW choices :)
x0

[Sherry]

Doing too much and running on fumes leads to burnout and that's definitely what you don't want when SAW means so much to you. Sitting back to make choices and decide the direction you want to go for next year is an excellent idea. As much as you put "into" the SAW experience, you want to be able to take out in your own renewed sense of self.

[maura]

I have just recently found you blog and love it!

[Suzy]

Here, here. You don't want a life of 'busy.' 'Busy' isn't memorable (well, except for being...busy).