Invitations

[Candle for L.M.]

I have a friend, and that friend is brave.  And she is strong.  And she is wise.

And I want to put aside the fact that these words could easily be applied to her battle with cancer, because while this story has to do with that battle, it is really about so much more.

It is about what she is teaching me, and how strange it feels to receive what I need to work through another issue in my life by simply sitting by her side, holding her hand, and listening.  I feel like I should be the one giving her the tools and words that might help her, that I should be the one providing the stepping stones she needs.  I feel like I should be carrying her.

But no.  I am learning from her, and trying to follow her example.  Trying, as hard as I can, to face a difficulty that feels feeble next to hers with the same kind of grace, integrity and courage I see in her.

This is not the first time cancer has come knocking on my friend's door, only this time it came pounding, crashing through the walls, determined to wreak havoc.  After a long and difficult recovery from surgery, my friend explained that she now had to find a way to invite chemotherapy into her life, as she had been dreading it for weeks.  She learned the effectiveness of this approach with weekly visits from a nurse, visits that involved pain and discomfort, visits she dreaded.  Until the day she decided she needed to look forward to the visits, and find something positive in them, so she did, and a week later no further visits were required.  And now again, she must look ahead to chemotherapy, and invite it into her life, into her body, into this journey to recovery.

Those were the words that struck me:  "I have to invite this into my life."

I tucked those words into my bag and carried them home with me.  I rolled them around in the palm of my hand like marbles and considered what they meant, and how they might help me face an issue I'd been trying to avoid for months.  OK, years.

And last week, not 24 hours after I saw my friend, I took my first step towards dealing with this issue as head on as I'm capable of right now, repeating the mantra over and over again:  "I have to invite this into my life."  And while it is just one step on what I know will be a long journey, it is always those first steps that are the most daunting, so it is a relief to know that step has been taken.  I don't yet feel strong or grounded, don't feel wise or evolved or brave.  I feel wobbly, frustrated, and still angry that I even need to go through any of this.  I have no confidence that I will march through this with my dignity intact every step of the way.  I know I will fall, slip, and throw rocks in frustration; I will probably still try to avoid it in strange ways.

I am inviting this into my life, and I have my friend to thank for those seven magic words.  Her example and her words have provided me with the key that I thought I would never find, the key I wasn't, quite frankly, necessarily trying that hard to locate.

My apologies for being vague, but the details don't matter.  We are all facing our own battles, and these words can light up the sky in anyone's darkness, however that darkness took hold.

For with this light, with my friend's example, this road might be a tough one but it will not consume me as it has in the past.  This is but one thread, and today is just one day.  I have only taken one step and barely had one week to put this mantra to the test.  But it is a beginning, and today, that is enough.

Comments

[Leana May]

I can't begin to explain how much I needed to hear those 7 words. They will remain with me.
Thank you for your willingness to share such raw and honest emotion Christine. Peace and love to both you and your friend.

[Alexandra]

She's lucky to have a friend like you Christine. She sounds like a woman who doesn't need courage as she already has it and I find her attitude very inspiring towards my own challenges at the moment. Wishing her the very best.

[Caroline]

Christine-

Beautiful thoughts and I am so glad that you are there holding her hand. She is a strong wise woman and I am thankful to you for sharing this. These are words to live by every day for certain.

Many hugs to you.

[Lisa Tholen]

Thank you for being there for our mutual friend, who is so wise. Thank you, too, for your insights and wonderful writing. I think I have been afraid to invite some things into my life, too. Even things that I have thought I really had invited. Thanks again!

[ann]

Christine, thank you for the beautiful words expressing what we witnessed ... grace and courage.

[Jamie]

What a beautiful reminder, even with the heartbreaking sentiment behind it. Peace to you today, Lovely.

[doorways traveler]

triggered, stunned and perfectly just so.

yes.

invitations bring love. even if there are still rocks to throw...

namaste, sister.

[anne]

you're always brave and I'm proud of you. prayers for your friend. xo

[Sherry]

This is what I learned from cancer...that those who have cancer are given wisdom beyond our years and insight that we didn't know we possessed. There is a feeling of being able to invite anything we need and everything into our lives for whatever purpose it will serve.

Your friend has strength and wisdom, courage and grace. To be able to say this, to welcome poison into her world in order to heal - that is a gift. And she has shared that with you. How blessed you both are.

[Jeanine]

there is much beauty in the rawness of life...that is where the most valuable lessons are learned. i agree with lynn and i have a feeling i'll be applying this mantra to my own life. bird by bird, beautiful. and much love to your friend.

[Stephanie]

life is not about the challenges but how we deal with them. Your friend is amazing....and so are you. Sending healing energy your way.

[beth]

thank you for giving me a new attitude for what I'm dealing with right now in my own life...

[Marianne @ Zen Peacekeeping]

What wonderful wisdom, from your friend and from you. I especially admire that you have already recognised that taking this step doesn't mean that the rest of the path will be smooth or that you'll walk it like the Dalai Lama. That's part of my learning from you today - that as I invite things into my life I can also make space for the days when I still want to throw rocks. I can make space for my whole journey. Love you!

[Mary Beth Shaw]

What a beautiful and heartfelt post. Very inspirational on a number of levels. And you are a brilliant writer too :-) MB

[jquinn]

Thank you for your post... a gentle awareness (while it might be uncomfortable)is helping the invite... details don't matter, if they do your friend will hold your hand and listen... sounds like you have an authentic relationship which is priceless

[Debi]

A wonderful way to begin my day - your friend is indeed wise, and I thank you for passing on her wisdom. Good luck to you & remember that even baby steps count.

:)

[Lynn]

Thanks for sharing this! I do think the "mantra" can be applied to a wide variety of situations, so no, the details don't matter, & it's just what I needed for a current challenge in my life. So thank you!