Sparklette #24

I went to a party last night.  There were about twenty people there and I only knew two of them - the hostess and one of our mutual friends.  While I have no doubt all of the guests were lovely, extraordinary human beings (because they knew the hostess, after all, and she is one of the most phenomenal women I know), I spent most of the evening cozied up with my other friend on the front porch away from the main group, feeling a wee bit guilty that I wasn't in the mood for the kind of small talk necessary in groups where I don't know anyone.

I realize I have become quite bad at small talk.  Or maybe I've just become socially awkward from spending too much time alone.  Or maybe I'm just weird.

But sit down on a couch with me and tell me your stories - your wildest dreams, your deepest longings, tell me what is in your heart in that exact moment - and I'll be right there with you, even if we've just met.

That I can do.  No problem.

Comments

[Liz]

Well, yes you might be weird : ), but you're certainly not awkward, but regardless of that, I'll take sitting on the porch and having a real conversation to making blah blah with a large group of people any old day, any old time.... xo

[Kristen Fischer]

It depends on how I feel whether I want to immerse myself in a group or not. I know what you mean. Nothing wrong with staying low key.

[Nadia]

you touched on something that I have been fretting about lately. I spend most of my time at home with my puppies. whenever I go out in a social situation I am a great listener, but getting into the conversation has become hard for me. something that I am trying to work on. thanks for sharing! ciao!

[Rebecca Lynch]

I not into small talk either.

[gillian]

I'll remember this on our trip. I'm somewhat the same, although it depends how I'm feeling. I am not good at multitasking...so for me one intimate convo at at time is more than enough. I don't like to be on stage either, with ten people listening to me speak. I'd rather confide in one or two.

I don't think it is weird. I think it is just getting back to quality vs. quantity.
:)

[Jill Nalette]

i'm right there with ya, christine!
xo and smiles~ jill
[email protected]

[Caryn Duncan]

I right there with you, sometimes I think what's wrong with me that I have such a hard time engaging in small talk... the reason it really isn't engaging.

[Christine]

been a reader for a while, maybe even left a comment or two here and there but this post really hits home with me. i struggle with crowds and small talk - i don't like it, never have but give me one on one and i'm fine. i'm married to the king of meeting and greeting so i get thrown into situations constantly. i've become more withdrawn as time goes on (not healthy and I'm working on this) because no one around me understands what this is like...it's nice to see i'm not alone.
thanks

another Christine

[Lindsey Petersen]

Small talk is small, generally unimportant. It's the heart to heart talks that, well, reach into your heart. VERY important.
Lindsey Petersen
http://5kidswdisabilities.wordpress.com

[leonie]

yep, i can relate to this too. i often avoid social events simply because i can't STAND smalltalk. even the name of it is awful. who wants to talk, think or LIVE small?

[Sheryl]

Those moments when the connection is real, when you can hear, really hear what each other is saying is magical.
I've passed the 'small talk by the school gate' baton onto my husband. He's a gun at it! But I've learnt sometimes if you sit and listen its the small talk that can open up amazing moments with people that you didn't know were possible.

[Shawn/Lifeatbuttercupfarm.com]

I am literally walking out of my house in 10 minutes to go to a party where I too will know exactly one friend + the hostess and know that it is likely that I will replay your party scene:-). We have been asked to bring either a favorite appetizer or a drink to share. I am bringing my favorite Martini recipe (that I will drink of course) which will hopefully loosen me up to enough to get past that "small-talk".

[Alisha]

this made me smile because i can totally relate to this.

[pixie]

Who has time for small talk? I think we know how to make better use of our time here. I love you.

[linni]

maybe you was just enjoying the evening...you know, you don't always have to be the one that goes over to new people and introduce yourself... maybe they can come over to you...and start talking to you...but i think they are dying to meet you...but don't do the small talk either! Hope you had a fabulous night! xx

[Carmen]

I'm awful at small talk. I don't like conversation that feels forced. But, I love sitting and talking one on with with people, even new people. Hearing their stories and dreams and heart's desires feels right to me. Authentic. Real. Natural. I prefer deep conversations to chit chat any day of the week.

Sometimes I wish I was better at small talk. I would probably get to know more people and make more friends. And eventually have more of those meaningful conversations I long for.

But alas, I'd probably join you on the front porch.

[Jill D.]

Small talk drains my energy- there's nothing small about it- it can suck the life out of you!

[Julie]

Count me in with you and the others feeling the same way. Never been much for front yard chit chat. I prefer to swim in deeper waters. Figs and goat cheese ... yum.

[Christianne]

I love this! I am the same way. At a party, I would much rather be cozied up in the corner have one really good, long conversation all night. It always tickles me when the conversation like this happens with someone I just met. That's when you know you have a new friend for life.

[anne]

small talk sucks. give me endless hours on a couch with you over small talk with strangers any day...
AND ALL YOU READERS OUT THERE: she's leaving out a Lot: she is really good at stuffing figs with goat cheese and meeting new people and being sweet and funny and perfect and good...but I TOTALLY understand what she's saying!

[Lucie]

If you are weird, then it's weird in a good way.

[Catherine]

That sounds like "big talk"