The Moment

It was actually a few steps back when I caught my first glimpse of the Treasury at Petra.  After walking through a narrow canyon formed by rock the colors of deep mustard, rust, and blazing orange for a mile or so, the first bit of the Treasury that can be seen is part of the top.  A few steps further and the perspective above comes into view, an image that has been photographed a zillion times over - one of the most iconic images of a city a group of Arabian nomads called the Nabataeans built around the first century B.C.  I had dreamed of this moment for years - tried to imagine what it would be like to stand in front of this structure built into the walls of a canyon and then explore all the other details of an area that goes on as far as the eye can see.  We only had about a day and half to soak in a place that really needs a week or more, but I'm not complaining.  It was this moment - the moment when I took the photo above - that was my reward, a moment that did not disappoint.

I am back home now, still not entirely over jet lag, a husband home sick, groceries to buy, work to do, deeply troubling family issues still to resolve.  In other words, that moment is past now and I have slowly wound my way back into the day-to-day of my life in Santa Monica.  But my day-to-day now has this new piece, this new detail; like the bracelet I purchased in the nook of an antique shop in Amman, it is here with me now, adding an entirely new dimension to the background of my days.  I rode two airplanes, a van and a horse to get to that spot, and then I made my way back home, and even though all the dust from Petra has been washed out of my hair, the memory is lodged in my consciousness permanently, guiding me to my next ideas, dreams and challenges.

While it would be over-dramatic to say that moment changed my life (or maybe it did - it is likely too early to tell), it did lock another puzzle piece into place.  To be perfectly honest, I feel like my bank account of Dreams Come True is bursting at the seams already, but I still somehow manage to forget the immense power of these moments.  I have written much about the smaller moments, the moments that look ordinary and worn out, perhaps sometimes trying to deflect too much attention away from these grander instances when I am standing smack in the middle of a longed for experience.  At the same time, I have also made it my mission to encourage the world to pursue their dreams and create a meaningful life; I built a business around the idea, and I continue to cheer people on as much as I possibly can.  But have I written enough about these moments?  About the exact instance I looked up - not expecting to see the Treasury just yet - and saw it peek through the canyon?  The moment it came into view and I immediately looked away, tears in my eyes and heart pounding, wanting so badly to stop the clock and squeeze every bit of emotion I could out of that millisecond of time in the history of my life.

 

All I could think as I walked towards the opening in the canyon to stand in full view of the Treasury was, "I am here...I am here," not quite believing I had managed to get myself to a Middle Eastern country surrounded my all kinds of tension and chaos, to this place that was once a thriving metropolis so long ago as to be unfathomable.  It is not like the high of a drug - an experience that becomes a craving, something that I live for in blindness to all beauty in my everyday life - it is more a reminder of the expansiveness of possibility in the world:  What is possible?  Anything!  On the same note, it provides a bittersweet recognition of how strange the story of a life sometimes is...how it can be easier to travel 7000 miles away to one of the most dangerous regions of the world and return home safely than to open one single door of communication between myself and a member of my family.  How I felt more seen and understood by people I had never met before this trip than someone I have known my entire life.

It is dichotomies like those that I love exploring.  I cannot help but turn the bright side of a coin over to its darker face, wanting to understand every possible facet of meaning in these moments.  Because to only expose myself to one or the other, I lose the opportunity to fully understand and embrace all that I am given.  And it is not about wanting to downplay the magnificence of the moment of realizing a dream - it is not about wanting to hang a dark cloud over it or smother its voice - it is about seeing all the feelings and thoughts it inspires, and instead of judging them as good, bad, happy or sad, I simply sit with all of them, knowing they all have their place in yet another extraordinary story in the journey of my life.

[The first photos from Petra are here.]

Comments

[jackie]

How awesome! The pictures of Amman and Petra bring back so many memories of the year our son spent in Jordan. He had an incredible year working for our church and going as a volunteer...A once in a lifetime experience living, walking, teaching and breathing the way the Jordanian people live. Thank You for sharing your experience and pictures.

[MNomgirl]

You are so beautiful and simply just amazing!

[Camila F.]

WOW, everything looks amazing!!! Great pics!

[gillian]

It's official.
I.
Love.
You.
So.
Much.

You have summed up so much, exactly what I felt EXACTLY.
You have also inspired me to share more deeply. I'll write from the heart next post. I want you and the others to know how I felt too. I'm so privileged to have spent a whole week in your funny gorgeous presence. You and the others made the trip just perfect. You really did. To quote you at Jerash, "How lucky are WE?"
xoxoxo

[Aerussell.wordpress.com]

What a beautifully written post. I felt similar feelings, of awe and amazement at realizing a dream, when I stood in the Sistine Chapel looking up at Michelangelo's ceiling. It moved me to tears, not just my own journey to get there, but the journey of Michelangelo to paint it, the journey of art historians and trained professionals to restore it.It was the millions of lives and journies and choices that enabled the ceiling to be created and kept and restored and for my life to cross with all the others in going to see it.

[Marianne @ Zen Peacekeeping]

Beautiful. There is something big in these truths - something about the importance of embracing both the ordinary sparkling moments and the grand, momentous ones with equal joy and gratitude. xx

[Karen Maezen Miller]

I have always found traveling in countries where English isn't widely spoken to be uniquely peaceful and expansive. I've come to see that it is precisely because I do not speak the language, and so I am not snagged by my own interpretations of meaning and merit. It reminds me that non-judgmental silence is the most potent form of communication, because in it is total acceptance. Welcome home.

[Donna]

I am so thankful that I have my photographs to take me back there anytime I want. A thousand times a day I would say to myself - Vivo Aqui - Live here, in this moment. I love that we all took the same journey but we also took individual journeys.

[Heather Plett]

This is beautiful, Christine. It brought a tear to my eye.

"...how it can be easier to travel 7000 miles away to one of the most dangerous regions of the world and return home safely than to open one single door of communication between myself and a member of my family..." OH how I know that truth!

[jeanine]

i can only imagine how you must have felt walking up to this sacred place. beautiful.

[Tara Bradford]

Beautiful writing about this important moment of time. It was a privilege and a joy to witness you see Petra's Treasury for the first time; to watch your face light up in recognition and wonder. Gorgeous photos too. And you're absolutely right that sometimes people in close proximity fail to really see or understand us. xo

[Rebecca in Switzerland]

This is so great! I started to film this moment, you know, but stopped immediately because it felt like intruding. Wish I had done so now so you would have it. When I saw the look on your face I yanked my camera down, so you are actually not in the shot at all. Love reading about your Dreams Come True and that sense that anything is possible... I love that you are so thoroughly living *your* unique adventure. Thank you for sharing!