Detached

[Photo taken with my Diana camera eons ago in Santa Monica.]

A funny thing has been happening ever since I got back from Jordan, the result of a strange confluence of events, experiences, rejections, opportunities and awakenings.  And, most importantly, a softening, a letting go.  A certain kind of grasping has been loosened like never before, and one effect of this has been a new level of ambivalence surrounding the idea of things like online marketing, social networking, and building my "brand".  It isn't that I don't care about this community or my place in it, it is more that I feel totally and completely ready to walk away from all the pressure I've put on myself in the past to keep up in a certain way.  I don't want to spend my time Twittering more often in order to get more followers; I am no longer interested in comparing myself to what anyone else is doing.  I see now that all of these pursuits are exercises in grasping - in reaching for something that some part of me thinks will give me...what?  Success?  Contentment?  A new pair of shoes? 

This recent post by Karen Maezen Miller really struck a cord for me, and enticed me even further along this path of detachment, reminding me that anything I do - online, in my studio, or for my family - needs to be done for the sake of doing it.  The minute I start trying to do things in order to receive something I begin to tread on shaky ground.  I am all about the pursuit of dreams and making them real, but it is the process of those pursuits that needs to be my motivation.  The joy is in the act of forward movement, and in all the experiences I will have along the way.

It is a profound gift to be working on my next body of mixed media work with this level of detachment, for the greater my detachment from what other people are doing, what they might think or what I think will sell, the more creative freedom I have.  I am creating work that I think is beautiful, and I am trying to take each piece to its ultimate conclusion - even if that conclusion is to cover it all up and start from scratch - and I am working quietly, peacefully, without the angst and anxiety of fears over how it might match up to anyone else.

So if I seem quiet, it is simply because I am working.  I am creating, I am painting.  And as eager as I am to share these first pieces here, they are about to be shipped down south to Stampington, to be photographed for an upcoming issue of Somerset Studio, which I am thrilled about.  Inspired by Marianne's post here, I am embracing where I am right now, in this moment, which is feeling quiet, feeling detached, wanting most of all to dive deep into my work. 

"The artist is nothing without gift, but gift is nothing without work."  ~Emile Zola

Comments

[Di]

Loved this. Thanks for the links out as well. Create well.

[Marianne @ Zen Peacekeeping]

I'm with Anne - I think there is an ebb and flow in it all (even the lovely Karen has to do book tours and Tweet and build followers to sell her books) and I enjoy the rhythm of the cycle - times of being fully absorbed in the process of creating/writing and times of really connecting to people who share some of my passions and interests - people who I do hope will find something of use in my book.

The difference lies in the grasping. I feel that quality as soon as it creeps into my life because it shows up so strongly in my body as contraction. I feel it every morning when I get on my yoga mat, which is one of the ways yoga lets me know whether I'm straying from my purpose.

Building connections on Twitter is, for me, a delight - a way of being reminded that none of us is an island and when I'm writing I'm writing into that great flow of thoughts, not creating something separate. But as soon as it stops being a delight and begins to become a striving, the contraction in my body tells me so, my body never lets me have a pass on being honest about what's going on in my life!

But this is a beautiful place to be, my friend. Free of those contractions, free to create and act from a place of openness and ease. I can only imagine the beautiful art you will produce!

[linni]

I once read that if you are doing something for someone else and you are waiting for them to say thank you, you did not do it with an open heart... when doing something for someone, you have to do it without waiting for the thank you...otherwise you were doing it to get something back for yourself from someone else...(to the first part of your post)... :-)

I once held a morning tea for ladies of age in the country in the UK and we played a game of standing up, putting a bright pink scarf around your neck and saying out loud what keeps you 'young'. The oldest lady giggled and said: 'oh creams and soap and stuff'. I said yes, but in your heart, what is keeping you young and she said: 'oh! that is easy. contentment of the mind'.

Bravo for you Swirly, thinking of you xx

[Karen D]

I really love what you are saying here. I am just in the beginning stages of my creativity and trying to figure out where I am going and where I fit in and It is overwhelming looking at all the artist blogs out there, I started to feel like I could never catch up and now I see I don't have to, thanks for that! Maybe we will run into each other at Squam in September.

[Rebecca in Switzerland]

Yay! Yay! Yay! You be you.

[Jill D.]

thanks for posting this, christine. it was quite refreshing to hear. i can hardly wait to see your work!

[leonie]

oh yes! yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

i took a mermaid rock with me when i went away last weekend. it says LET GO. and reading Karen's writing about writing for the sake of it, because it is necesary. and thinking about doing things because i can't help but do them. and about not doing things simply because they are expected of me. saying NO instead of YES. being quiet because there's nothing to say and the silences don't need to be filled.

i am very much looking forward to seeing what comes of your new detached state. i'm sure it's something wonderful

[pixie]

I couldn't agree more. All of the vast energy that it takes to try to create for a brand's sake could be funneled into creating something that actually serves the soul. And it's everchanging whims and deep commentaries that come up anew, rather than having to create everything in a consistent image to please a "target market". Not everything can fit into a box. And why would we want it to? No brand brain means I can change it up when I'm ready, without fear.
Good points, lovely. It takes a lot of courage to change your thinking so dramatically. Thank you for inspiring.

[Gillian]

Yes what Tara said. I cannot verbalize it better than she did.

If I were near, I'd toss your phone into the ocean and say "Twittering be gone!" Chris don't need you no mo.

You know, I have had some insane INSANE mixed media ideas since my return from Jordan and I could give two camel shits who likes the ideas BUT I know KNOW you would be the perfect person to collaborate with on that.

One day. Time has a way of rearing her gorgeous head when her time is right.

Jordan instilled a peace. A slowing down. A silence. Yes. I felt that. I totally loved it. And if there is a shift in your art that could very well be for the absolute best, you just never know.

:)
Keep on truckin!!!! xoxoxo

[Jill]

Christine my dear, this is so hummbling to read. i would like to take on more carefree creative ideas and not worry about what people might think or be my own worst critic.
you are a gem of a woman!!
xo and smiles~ jill
[email protected]

[jenica]

time to stand up and be.
xoxo

[Liz]

mmmm-hhhhmmm xo

[rowena]

It's such a hard balance to strike, I think, between shooting for your goals and living for the living. I'm trying to do the same, although I am far behind you in the goals/career aspect. But still, it's the creating for creating's sake...not for selling or for the brand, not even for the sake of the creation, but the act of creating (of living, of loving, of doing) that is what makes it worthwhile... isn't it?

And yet I still have goals to reach. hmm.

[vineeta]

What an important point you just made. For me a great indication of 'trying too hard' and 'doing too much' is always this feeling of background tension & a not so nice feeling. The scary bit is to not be immune to this feeling & it is so easy to not see when I'm not looking.

[Karen M]

Its great to recognize the need to pull into yourself to explore new work. The internet has such a way of sucking us into it, and the time goes by, and we fill up with other people's ideas instead of our own. Enjoy the work, your excitement is infectious, and it will be fun to see it when the time is right for you.

[Tara Bradford]

YES! If I worry about what other people are doing - and what I'm not doing - I'll become paralyzed with inertia or fear. The only way I can create is to ignore what everyone else is doing. Each of us has our own vision and must follow it. We all have different skills and our own "best" way of working and creating. Looking forward to seeing your latest work! xo

[anne]

ebb and flow.
I think we work on art and then we work on promotion. It's up and down. Up and down. Sometimes we're into it, sometimes we're OVER it. Sometimes we tweet about painting, sometimes we actually PAINT. Makes perfect sense to me. You ROCK.