The Journey

[Lights hanging in trees in Copenhagen.]

I can't count how many times it has crossed my mind that I haven't yet written about the night I saw Mary Oliver speak, which was just a few days before I went to Jordan.  And I'm amazed I haven't written about it, because I took her words, her voice and her presence across an ocean and a couple of continents, back home and everywhere else I've been since then.  After hearing her read The Journey aloud, followed by the barely audible gasp that traveled through the audience when she was finished, those words entered my bloodstream, and have been traveling with me ever since.  I think about that particular moment of the evening quite often, and every single time I get goose bumps.  In that instant, when she finished with the words "...the only life you could save" I think everyone in the audience felt we were in the presence of God, who was standing before us in the form of a tiny old woman in black who also liked to talk about her dog Percy*.

Mary Oliver explained that she wrote that poem more than thirty years ago.  When she said that, I marveled that those words somehow managed to float through the world and across time into my awareness.  How did I find her?  I don't even know.  But that night, hearing those words in her voice, I had a moment of perfection, and there was nothing more in the world I wanted, needed or wished for.

* Percy is also the name of the gardener/handyman who worked on May Sarton's property.  Coincidence?

~

I arrived in Copenhagen last night, and spent this afternoon wandering around, picking up some goodies and taking pictures.  On my way back to our hotel around 3:00pm, I suddenly felt the exhaustive effects of jet lag, three plane rides and five days packed with many miles on foot.  So I decided that at this particular point of my journey here in Denmark, it was time to be still.  I am now in our hotel room, feet up on the table, and a live band just started playing outside (kind of marching band-ish.  OK - I just looked out our window, and it is a marching band.  They are walking all over Tivoli Gardens, which is a kooky little amusement park of sorts just behind our hotel.  But I digress.)

As I was walking back to our hotel - before I made the decision to lay low for the rest of the day - I was thinking about how it has felt being on my own these last three days, for they have been the days my husband has been most occupied with work.  And I thought about an idea I've had for a long time, which is the notion that someday I might wander all over the world indefinitely, and might very well do that alone.  This is not something I am necessarily wishing for - it isn't a longing to fulfill something in me that I think is missing.  In other words, it isn't an idea I am attached to.  It is more like something that just feels like it might happen - that someday, somehow, and perhaps for reasons that won't be pleasant or easy - this is what I will do.  

Or perhaps I am only embellishing a truth that feeds me and gives me strength - that the responsibility for this journey I am on is mine to care for and manage, and no one else.  Maybe in these thought experiments I'm just adding a lot of exotic, challenging and fascinating backdrops.  Either way, these thoughts led me to Mary Oliver, and the night I heard her speak just about two months ago, when she read the words that are now with me everywhere - words that remind me that no one else can show me the way to my own truth, and that as long as I remember this, I'll never really be lost.  

"...there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper,
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do --
determined to save
the only life you could save."

[Cue "Super-cali-fragi-listic-expi-ali-docious" by the marching band outside.]

Comments

[Michelle Shopped]

i don't believe percy is a coincidence but rather intentional -- mary knows her poets including one of my favorites named edna...hoping to catch up with her on her daily jaunt to the p.o. later on this week when i'm down her way (mary, not edna)... ;)

ditto the other comments on tales of a female nomad -- she's awesome and inspiring!

[Elizabeth]

thank you thank you thank you for this--

LOVED every bit of it from the lanterns in the trees-- gorgeous photo-- to the lines from M.O. . . wowza-- got me in the kissah with this one . .

[rachel awes]

christine,
i have come across your beautiful self in a couple different website settings & have always appreciated each "meeting". today i saw you in artful blogging/how lovely is your dear friendship with marianne! & gorgeous photos (i so wonder if that last one with the green trim is your home. it looks like such a home of heart).
i too LOVE mary oliver & heard her speak once in mn & have a bunch of her books...
soooooo many i hold dearly.
& that white butterfly amsterdam photo in your post below/so intriguing sparkly pretty!
mostly, wishing you beautiful wings to continue to send you to all your gorgeous destinations (inside & outside) of your one & beautiful life. x

[Heather Plett]

Have you read "Tales of a Female Nomad"? I read it recently and fell in love. I like to refer to myself as a "happy wanderer" and much of that wandering I do alone, so I resonated with this post.

I love, love, LOVE that Mary Oliver poem. I quoted it on my blog after you linked to it a while ago (I think on Twitter).

[Tara Bradford]

Love Mary Oliver's poetry, especially The Journey. I've often traveled alone; sometimes it's been quite wonderful; other times a bit challenging. But each journey has taught me something about myself: about my strengths and weaknesses and the choices I make, rightly or wrongly - there's always a lesson.

And I think that last line was the perfect ending to your post! :)

[Cassie]

Thank you for sharing Mary Oliver with me. The Journey is a poem I will look to again and again.

cbm

[Karen Maezen Miller]

The funny thing is we already do wander all over the world indefinitely, and do it alone. No one knows where they are headed. We are homeless in our very own homes, and it is the journey of a lifetime. Realize that, and you can rest anywhere you choose.

[Marianne @ Zen Peacekeeping]

Yes. It still scares me a little to sit still with the truth that at some level we are all walking alone, and then I remember that I'm not separate from you anyway. That as I walk alone I'm also walking with all beings and that even when we are alone we are together.

x

[Rebecca in Switzerland]

Oh. My. Goodness. Sorry I left you alone these three days and had to be here doing stuff... but goodness gracious how we are alike. I, too, have wandered alone through Tivoli with similar thoughts. And I treasure you reading that poem to me in Petra. What a moment, what a day! Thank you.

[Di]

Yes. Her poem stuns me, I often travel alone but as I was reading you, I wondered if you had read this woman's book: http://www.ritagoldengelman.com/

Travel safe.
xo

[Beth]

We only have control over own thoughts. So therefore, we can only ever save ourselves. Beautiful poem, touching post. Thank you.

[Liz]

and an amen to that sister... amen to that... xo

[kd]

There is something freeing in the thought that someday I will set out walking and keep walking until I get there...

[Shannon]

this is a beautifully, beautifully written post...I am thinking of your authentic and poetic words...wondering where they will be carried like dandelion seeds into the future...planting into other's hearts so they may know their truth more fully.
{love the photos, too — so appreciate the chance to armchair travel through your lens — just downloaded Hipstamatic for my iPhone}
enjoy the rest!
love and light!

[Melissa]

"the notion that someday I might wander all over the world indefinitely, and might very well do that alone." I've been thinking about this alot lately...maybe I am just meant to wander through this life alone. Or maybe its just that we can only truly rely on ourselves. I don't know but it has been on my mind. Of course you write about things that are what I need to read at any given moment. I love you! Safe travels home...xoxo