Taking a Long Look ~ Part Two

[Work in progress]

{Part One is here.}

So...where was I?  Oh, right ~ social media, and all the ways it makes me crazy ~ no, improves my life ~ no, builds relationships ~ no....get my point?  It does all these things and more, often times leading me to a place of resistance.  I have gone through this like/dislike cycle repeatedly ever since I started blogging, and I have to admit the main reason I have taken the time this week to really sort out my thoughts about all of this is that I am pretty much sick of hearing myself talk about it.

Because here's the thing ~ I can pine all I want for the days of yore when there was no such thing as Facebook and Twitter, but guess what?  It's not going anywhere, so I might as well jump on board for good and figure out how to best take advantage of these resources (or jump off and be done with it.)  Not to mention the fact that I do everything I do online because I choose to do so.  But because these are my choices, it is important I figure out how to use all of the technology available to me in a way that feels genuine and meaningful and causes as few disruptions to my personal life as possible.

All of these advances have created astounding opportunities for people (myself included) to grow, build businesses, make friends and experience the world, and they have also created a whole new category of challenges and difficulties.  Any channel or network that humans use to interact and communicate will always ~ always ~ have its own particular type of landmines, and I have been thinking lately about what landmines specific to the online world have given me the most significant challenges ~ and lessons.

Because in the midst of all this expansiveness, social media also pulls our attention away from the world in front of us and more towards a computer screen.

It means we are all having to learn an entirely new way of making friends and then trying to keep them, which can be very tricky territory when we have the option of being updated on every tiny detail of one another's days.

It means we have to expend energy trying not to equate our self-worth with the number of followers we have on Twitter or our blog stats (in weak or vulnerable moments, numbers like these can get to the best of us.)

It means we have to continually re-focus our attention away from what everyone else is doing (see comment above about having access to every detail of each other's days) and back towards our own work, and learn how to avoid judging our own work as "less than", "not as good as" or not as "successful" as what anyone else is doing and posting about.

It means we run a greater risk of offending someone in a completely clueless way, by posting something or writing something that speaks to our truth, but somehow, some way, is taken personally or misunderstood, and tension arises in places that can feel totally bewildering.

It also means that because there is so much available to us on any given day, it is all too easy to start feeling like our little corner of the online universe is getting crowded out, smothered or somehow constricted.  Instead of sitting quietly in the belief that there is enough room for everyone to share and express ourselves, we worry that our voice might not be heard if we don't put it out there often or loudly enough.

I have shared these thoughts in a broad context ~ applying them to "the social media community" in general ~ which is perhaps unfair.  These issues come directly from my own experiences, and maybe I'm the only person in the world who has had them.  My intention is not to generalize or take away from all the benefits and beauty of social media, but to piece together the full and complete picture of how all of this plays a part in my day-to-day life, where I am trying to pursue dreams, build friendships, keep my demons at bay and, as always, figure out when I'll have time to get the next load of laundry done.

{To be continued...}

Comments

[Grace]

Divine Order,Love.
a very grateful,
Grace

[Kerstin]

Christine, you are far from alone with these thoughts. And much cherished for expressing them so wisely and eloquently. I've been blogging for five years and often feel like I've missed that elusive gravy train of popularity, prosperity and 'fame' that I've seen so many others alight. At the same time I loose interest in those that are becoming too commercial and cluttered with ads and sponsor highlights. I am still here for the rawness and enlightenment of the human experience. That's what continues to draw me to blogs like yours.

And blogging is where I still draw the line; I only use Facebook to stay in touch with 'real life' friends and I never twitter because I am not really interested in sharing my own every minute movements or thoughts with people who for the most part I don't know, and vice versa. It's too much of a virtual overload for me. Alas, I am sure you are right: social media is here to stay and it's up to each one of us to find our place within it.

Looking forward to the next part!

Kxo

[ann]

I'm SO totally with you, Swirly! There's no point in me adding. I'll just say DITTO and follow what the rest say.

[leonie]

actually, i take that back, i do have something to add (only because i read it just now and think you might get a kick out of it too).

You need chaos in your soul to give birth to a dancing star.
-- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

[leonie]

i'm still with ya...

and don't think i can say anything here right now that hasn't already been totally well said by you.

love this exploration swirly. LOVE. IT.

[Kelley]

I definitely agree with you! On the one hand, social media has opened doors for me that might never have opened otherwise. On the other hand, it has added a pretty significant dose of performance pressure to my life... to write and share artwork that inspires and delights, and to do so frequently enough that readers stick by me and new readers are added. I want all that, of course, but I also want my work and my life to be authentic and, let's face it, authenticity ain't always pretty!

Loving your thoughts on this subject...

[Marianne]

Boundaries, but even more than that - intention.

My intention 'red flags' with social media and everything else in my life: tightness in my belly, contraction anywhere in my body, flatness in my energy, fatigue, creeping miserliness or hoarding

My intention 'green flags' with social media and everything else in my life: softness in my body, enthusiasm in my energy, natural flow of generosity

It's not the tools that make the difference for me (any of these flags can some up as easily in a yoga class as on Twitter) but the intention.

That's what I'm learning, anyway. xx

[Di]

Talking to some exquisitely wise woman I love and respect, I recently discovered we all have our vulnerabilities and demons, and that it's not always my fault... imagine that :-)
I do adore you for writing this. Timely for me in fighting some of my demons.
xo

[chel]

Thank you for this. I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who goes through a lot of very tumultuous emotions regarding my online life and what it all means.

Honestly, I miss the days when the internet was brand new and if you met someone else online, you were instantly friends becaue you were both *online*. If you had things in common, it was a joyful extra. But in general, people of different backgrounds and interests formed friendships and grew and learned. Now EVERYONE is online, and it's easy to be grouped into little boxes based on interests, so the internet has become just like everyday life. There's no wonderful mystery to it anymore. I miss that so much. I'm guess I am just grateful I did get to experience something like that.

[jeanine]

i started writing about this very thing the other day but ended up not posting it: "i am trying to fight the anxiety i feel when i have been away from this place for too long. the truth is, i fear that by the time i make my way back, everyone will be gone (which is slightly hypocritical given that i am the worst person when it comes to reading and commenting on other people's blogs). it's a strange place, blogland. we hope for comments, we look at our stats, we seek approval & validation for what we do. i am no exception. but i am reaching a point in my life where i am renegotiating this path. trying to figure out where i fit in. seeking validation within. looking for balance between my real world and my online world". so i hear ya sister. loud and clear. however, i have yet to find a way to balance the two. if you figure it out, please do share your secret with us :)

[Steph]

These thoughts do not affect you alone, I can assure you. Earlier today I was talking to a friend of mine who is doing great online (she too is an artist) and yet sounded flat and deflated. To every compliment and encouragement, she would reply with a 'yeah but...' which really got me thinking.

I am on Twitter, I think it's brilliant in its own ways, however, it does love numbers. And so, as soon as you log in to see what has been going on overnight, you see a string of numbers. Have you lost or gained followers this morning? Yes? No? Were you particularly brilliant or inconsiderate yesterday? Hey, someone has added you to another two lists! No, wait! What?! Why have they taken me off the list? Gosh, is my ratio following/followers getting screwed? Where's my Klout? I'd better start weeding people out...

Honestly, it is beyond ridiculous, beyond stupid, being childish. It encourages constant comparisons, as if blog, comment, newsletter or feed stats weren't enough of a hassle by themselves. I find that the best course of action is never ever to compare ourselves to others. The goalposts (be these followers, clicks, comments, whatever your poison) are continuously moved farther and farther away from you, preventing you ever to rejoice in reaching them (and let's suppose there is an actual reason to do so, not that I can see it), but sticking you into permanent catch-up mode.

As you can see, I feel pretty much as you do about these things and could write and write and write about it until the cows come home... I enjoy a bit of contact via Twitter (I am not even on FaceBook), but when it does become a means for testing one's own brilliancy, work, networking ability, whatever, we should all step away, for inspiration and creativity have a habit to hurtle themselves down social media black holes and they are very deep those holes...

[anne]

Amen, donnalee!

[donna!ee]

boundaries baby! ...uncomplicated, God given, life transforming boundaries focused on eternal value! ;)